oh so frustrated

To say my daughter is a bad sleeper is like saying 9/11/01 was a bad day.  I mean really, it is awful.  Last night was the first night in almost a week where she DIDN'T wake up for 2+ hours in the middle of the night.  I'd consider it a victory if it hadn't taken 2 hours to get her to go to sleep, resulting in her finally going down at 10pm.  It's currently 8:59pm and we have been trying to get her to go to sleep for over an hour. In that hour I nursed her 2 times, she got crazy upset in her crib while Max stood outside just trying to get her to calm down.  After just a few minutes she vomited everywhere, so I went in to help clean her and the room up at which point she asks for milk again. so, that's 3 times nursing now in a little over an hour.  Did I mention she is 14 months old? She can be completely calm and near sleep and the second I even get near her crib she erupts into a fit of screams.  Like, she's not just a little upset.  It's all out WAR to her, and she's not losing.  Strong willed doesn't even BEGIN to describe it. 

GAH.  I just had to get that out!

Waving and other cool tricks

Yes, that's right, Staci is WAVING! It's few and far between, and if you aren't me you might not *quite* believe it, but I SWEAR she is waving.  In the past few days, if she has been doing something else and I get her attention, she will wag her little arm at me and GRIN.  It just warms my heart!

Eating is getting better and better.  The second I put her in her high chair she starts banging on her tray as if to say, "WHERE is my food? How long do you expect me to wait?" Some of her recent favorites have included rice (not sure how she managed to get that in her mouth, wonders never cease), cucumber dipped in plain yogurt, and avacado spread on a rice cake. 

On the sleep front I'd love to say that things are fixed, but they aren't.  They ARE getting better and moving in the right direction I *think*.  Last night was awful and she was up almost every hour.  But, besides last night, we get at least one 4 hour stretch most nights and at least one nap every other day is longer than an hour.  It's a lot of back and forth right now, so I'm hopeful if we just stick with the program and keep doing what we're doing things will continue to get even better.

In other news, Staci discovered the add section of the paper this morning and it was so cute we had to film it.  I'm fairly certain it's one of the videos you only find cute when you're the parent, but if you have about a minute to spare, check it out! (see the sidebar at the right)

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

That is what we seem to be doing here!  We make progress, and then all of a sudden we are back to square one.  more on that in a moment!

NCSS Day 8 Update: implementing white noise in Staci's room was part of my original plan.  I finally took the humidifier we received as a baby shower gift out of the box, promptly neglected to read the instructions (as per my usual), set it up, filled it with water, and turned it on. It is not loud, but I was happy with the quiet hum it created and hoped it would do the trick for Staci.  After 6 nights, and at the recommendation of a friend, I turned on the radio in between stations just to listen to the fuzz.  It didn't seem to change anything last night, as she was up quite frequently.  Today, however, she took her very first multi-sleep cycle nap all on her own!  One hour and 40 minutes.  YAY! 

That success was oh-so-short-lived!  Nap number 2 was a measely 28 minutes.  This seems to be what we do.  Two nights ago, we got a 3.5 hour stretch and a 4 hour stretch.  Last night, nothing longer than 2 hours and quite a few stretches that fell far short of 2 hours.  Then, today, with the morning nap success and the afternoon nap giant failure I just don't know what to think!  Two more days and I will do the 10 day evaluation of NCSS. 

I have to be honest though.  I have been so tired I have not been able to implement the Pantley Removal Technique, so I fear there will still be frequent night nursings.  The thing is, I simply do not have the energy in the middle of the night to try to go to remove my breast from her mouth when she's not asleep, because I don't want to be up with her all the rest of the night.  I just want to do what is easy and get her to go to sleep, so I can go back to sleep! It does seem as if daytime naps are truly headed in the right direction, so I'm hopeful that once those are under control, the nighttime wakings will lighten a tad on their own, and I will be able to focus more on getting the night time wakings down.  There is just so much to fix I can't seem to focus on multiple avenues of 'treatment' all at once.  Maybe if more caffeine was an option I would be able to do that, but since Staci is nursing that is not really an option.  I have a favorite drink that I have cut way down on, and in fact haven't had any at all in 2 days.  I will be so pleased when I can have as much caffeine as I want!  I miss Starbucks...

Day 4 of the NCSS

We are seeing some success!  It is definitely slow going but I *think* we are headed in the right direction.  On Monday night, evaluation night, Staci's longest sleep stretch was 1 hour and 54 minutes.  Last night, we got a 3 hour stretch and a 3.5 hour stretch.  There were lots of shorter stretches mixed in, but that is progress.  Also, we have more or less transitioned to getting Staci to fall asleep on her own in her crib.  She did it for the first time in a long time last night, and then for both naps today.  She wasn't able to make it through more than one sleep cycle either nap (one was 40 minutes and one was 50 minutes) and so after the second nap I rocked her for an hour to get some more sleep in her.  At this point, I'm not sure what the best thing to do is.  After she woke up from the first nap I tried to give her a bit of time to put herself back to sleep, but that made her extremely angry and we had to nurse in order for her to calm down.  Then, she messed her diaper and no amount of rocking or back rubbing (I tried for a half hour!) was going to get her to fall back to sleep.  The second nap, I didn't want to chance anything and just went ahead an rocked her until she woke up, because I knew she needed practice sleeping more than one sleep cycle at a time.

So this is my question to all of you.  I know Staci needs 3-4 (if not 5!) hours of sleep per day on top of 12 hours at night--not only from what I've read in sleep books (a few different ones all agree on the amount of sleep an infant needs) but also from when I've seen Staci get that much sleep, she is so much happier.  So, what do I do? is it more important for her to practice sleeping in her crib, or should I rock her to ensure she gets the sleep she needs?  Today I did a combo and it seemed to work out OK, but she still only got ~2.5 hours of sleep, falling a bit short of where she should be. 

Thanks for your help!

yeah. about that.

It really shows you how desperate we are for sleep around here when we resort to cry it out methods.  I know there are lots of kids who learned to put themselves to sleep that way and they turn out just fine, and that method works for lots of families.  It just doesn't work for ours.  At least not until I truly have tried EVERY other method available.  Yesterday was a terrible day, filled with barely any sleep and lots and lots of crying.  I realize it was only day 4.  I know that in order to see results, no matter which method we choose, we need to give it a full 2 weeks.  However, I could literally feel myself detatching from my baby, so that I didn't get so emotional when I heard her cries.  I could see the way she looked at me when I went into get her after a full hour scream-a-thon and I just knew she was wondering why on earth her mommy had abandoned her. 

Enter--Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.  I haven't finished reading as of yet, but am far enough in (about half way) to at least get started.  Today was eval-day--and tonight will also be an eval-night.  I have kept track of when she fell asleep for each nap today, how she feel asleep, where she slept, and when she awoke.  Despite my best efforts to get her to sleep for 3-4 hours, I was only able to get her to sleep for 2 hours and 38 minutes total.  Guess how much time she spent in her crib? a whopping total of 55 minutes.  (the rest was spent in my arms in our glorious apholstered swivel glider).  Well, at least I was able to get some reading done. :-\ 

I did begin to implement some of her strategies and I really think this will work for us, as long as I have the energy and the PATIENCE to keep going.  It is so hard to do after MONTHS of sleep deprivation.  I don't think I've slept longer than a 5 hour stretch in, oh, say... 9 months or so.  I know Staci is only 6 months, but those last few months of pregnancy are so uncomfy sleeping long stretches was rare.

Some of the techniques I'm going to implement are the Pantley Removal Technique (a way to help Staci learn she doesn't have to suck to fall asleep), teaching Staci little by little how to fall asleep without me (or any other warm body), introduce a lovey, and getting her to sleep as much as possible (at least 3-4 hours) during the day.  I have to create a schedule and that is something I will most certainly struggle the most with, but I know it is very important so that Staci knows what to expect and when to expect it. 

Wish us luck!

Ok, I give

We started sleep training this morning.  I hate it. It's horrible; but here's the deal.  I've tried everything.  I've tried the go in every 5 minutes and paci pop, I've tried the rock to sleep, I've tried the co-sleeping, and nothing is working.  I cannot continue to nurse every 90 minutes to 2 hours at night.  Don't get me wrong, I love nursing Staci, and will do it when she's hungry and even for comfort if it's truly needed, but I'm starting to think it was more out of habit than anything. 

Even though I only started the new routine 2 days ago, b/c she was getting so much 'help' sleeping, she has refused to sleep until well after 10pm the past 2 nights in a row. (unless of course she's rocked constantly) That's just crazy.  A baby needs to sleep 12+hours at night (yes, every baby.  don't pull the whole 'some babies just don't need as much sleep' schtick with me b/c it just isn't true.  do your research!) Plus, Max really needs to start studying for his exam and hasn't been able to because I've needed him to take over with Staci after 7:30 so that I can have a much needed (and well deserved, IMO) mommy-break.  So, we will do what we have to do.  I feel terrible about it but I know it is the right thing at this point for us.  she needs to learn to sleep on her own!

This morning was insanely rough on me.  She really just fussed for the first 20 minutes or so, but then REALLY got going.  After 40 minutes more (so, an hour after I laid her down) I went to get her.  She was still pretty upset and awfully mad at me.  I would have been, too, if I'd been used to getting rocked to sleep and then all of a sudden have this rude awakening about naptime.  I had to nurse to calm her down, and then of course she barfed pretty much everythign up because she wasn't really hungry.  But you know what? She's currently down for nap number 2, and she fussed for 10 minutes and I haven't heard a peep since.  Amazing.  I know there will be more crying to come, but I'm so thrilled she is getting this nap!

Sleeptraining is for Sissies (NOT!)

{sigh}. As some of you know, sleep has been a HUGE issue for us over the past few weeks.  It used to be that Staci would sleep 7:30ish to 3:30, wake up to nurse, and then right back down till 7:30ish.  it was wonderful.  there was no rocking, no swaying, no nursing every hour, it was divine.  During the day, she'd sleep 40-60 minutes out of every 2 hour period.  it was tiring because her cycle was so short, but she was sleeping and doing well at night so I was aprehensive to change anything.  Around 15 weeks old, she started waking more at night.  I attributed this to the '4 month sleep regression' and didn't do much about it, just continued to nurse and she would go right back down.  no biggie. 

Over the past few weeks, Staci has stopped sleeping during the day almost completely.  You might think this would make her nighttime sleep better.  Au Contraire.  As per usual for the past month or so, she has been insisting on being rocked to sleep.  It's so weird because we never did that in the past, but in order for her to fall asleep she had to be rocked.  It's not as if she was fussing and so I'm not even sure if CIO (cry it out) would have been an option.  She would just roll over and play with her paci or tag blanket, kick her legs and grunt at us 'till we flipped her over. (at which point she'd flip right on back over, and then be upset she was on her belly).  This would go on for 40ish minutes at which point I'd try to rock her because it was so evident how tired she was.  She'd go to sleep, I'd put her down, and 15 minutes later she'd wake up.  I attributed this to her being overtired, and gave in to rocking her every time for naps, just to get her to sleep.  This worked, for a while.  Gradually, over time, these naps became shorter and shorter, until we got to the point of the past couple of weeks and her notorious 15 minute naps.  I reached the end of my rope when she took a 6 minute nap, and was clearly SOOOO tired.  It's time for me to be a parent, and teach her how and when to sleep if she's not going to do it herself.

I do think there are a few developmental things going on here: (1) she has just learned how to sit up on her own and while still a little wobbly, can sustain it for quite some time; (2) the six month growth spurt; and (3) teething.  She has a lump on her lower left side, I think she may be sprouting her first tooth!  it's either that or a cyst (common in babies), we'll know for sure in a few days. Regardless of these reasons, she needs her sleep (and I need mine)!

I absolutely have to do something or I might start fantasizing about throwing my kid out the window.  It is incredibly frustrating to spend 15-30 minutes rocking her to have her awake less than 15 minutes later.  At this point I figure I have a couple of options. The Sears' method (attachment parenting--AP) or the CIO method/sleep training method (think babywise, the baby whisperer, etc etc).  BOTH sides suggest that a consistant naptime routine during the day will lead to better sleep at night.  I find myself most often on the 'attachment parenting' side of the coin, so for now I'm starting with AP, or the Sears' Method.  In the book written by Dr. Sears' (et al) The Baby Book, they suggest bringing the baby into bed with you.  Since I'm hopeful to have her take 2, 2 hour naps per day and possibly a short nap in the evening, I'm bringing her into bed with me for the first nap, and rocking her for the second.  Since I am not getting much sleep, that morning nap is a lifesaver for me. 

I started implementing this yesterday, and it went really well.  She slept for a little over 2 hours in the morning, while I slept a bit and then just watched her sleep, in awe.  For the afternoon nap, I rocked her to sleep and then set her in her crib.  She slept alone for about 20 minutes (as per her usual) and then I rocked her the rest of naptime, for which she slept in my arms.  Today, the morning nap went much the same way although I was able to sleep the whole time, which was amazing.  The afternoon nap was a bit shorter (90 minutes) , but we did get her down  around 6 for a 20 minute nap in her crib, so that adds up to almost 4 hours during the day.  This, compared to the 90 minutes of sleep she was getting per day (total) is absolutely tremendous and has made a HUGE difference in her mood.  My plan is to get her in this daytime routine and keep my fingers crossed it translates to better nighttime sleep.  Once she's sleeping better at night again, we can start transitioning her to her crib for naps.  For now, the most important thing to me is that she's getting the sleep she so desperately needs.  I enjoy sleeping next to her, and when I'm rocking her for the second nap I just started reading--something I haven't had time to do since she was born.  Since I love to read, this is a great 'mommy break' even though it's not really a break.

I wish I would have realized how harmful not sleeping during the day was to my precious baby girl!  In fact, studies have linked restless sleep patterns with ADHD later in life, as Mark Weissbluth discusses in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  (look at pgs 393-4)  I'm a bit nervous because her naps, after ~40 minutes, are extremely restless.  I have to be next to her or she will wake up.  For the afternoon nap, if I so much as turn the page too loudly in my book her eyes are WIDE open.  It has only been 2 days, so I'm hopeful that as she gets used to sleeping during these times and becomes more rested, she will eventually begin to have more restful sleep.

I will keep you all updated as we progress.  Wish us luck that I don't have to actually go into sleeptraining, because I'm quite certain I will do as much crying as she does if we end up needing to resort to CIO.  It just doesn't appeal to my style of parenting, but I do think daytime sleep is essential to her well-being so if we have to, we have to.  As of now, my fingers are crossed this gentler method works!   Other suggestions are welcomed! :)